It's been a while.

I never like to title my blog until after I finish, as there is no telling where my mind may take me. I begin here with "it's been a while," as it has been some time since I've put meaningful thoughts down, and it's been some time since I've done a meaningful exercise. I don't know what my problem is!!! I want the results but I don't want to work for it!! Why is it that some people can be so thin & eat all the time? Why do I go to bed hungry? It makes me want to cry!

I know everybody is different. Genetics. Gods plan. I get that. I just get so discouraged & I give up. I don't see the results fast enough & I quit. There aren't enough hours in the day. I am absolutely sick of walking. I am burnt out on P90X. Jillian Michaels can kiss my ass!! I need a workout partner & no one is committed! I need to quit feeling sorry for myself & change it but I can't seem to get out of this rut!

I posted something on my Loseit the other day about thinking I have a eating disorder. Not one person commented on it. I was not seeking attention but I guess I just needed someone to talk to... Someone that might understand. I do not know what is wrong with me but I am hungry ALL OF THE TIME!!! I think about food 99% of the time. I over-eat. I love food. I never think I've ate enough. I finish my plate...always... I finish my husbands food. I hide that I'm eating sometimes. I sneak & get something out of the pantry & shove it in my mouth. I do not purge. I could never do that. I just don't know why I am this way with food & I think it has to be some sort of eating disorder!!!! There is something wrong with me!!!! I'm never going to lose these last few pounds or have the body that I want with this constant battle everyday. It's so hard!!!