In 2011 I lost 26 lbs...which was a lot for my small build. I didn't need to lose any more weight...but I thought that I did. I I over-did it...worked out excessively morning, lunch time, & at night. I ate like a bird. I was burning off more than I was taking in on most days. After a while I started having dizzy spells & lightheadedness. Finally, I slowed it down. I started eating more & exercising less & I felt better....except I still didn't have those 6 pack abs that I wanted & I still thought I was fat!
It was all mental. Most everything is. You can do anything you set your mind to, they say...but that is easier said than done. I am an all-or-nothing person. I couldn't "treat" myself every once in a while because I felt like I failed if I ate that piece of cake ...so then I would eat everything I wanted for days, even weeks... It took a lot to get back "on track." I fought this battle ...& I still do. Now I've gained back about 5 lbs...which isn't a lot, but I can see less definition in my arms, my stomach, my legs... It makes me sick!! I hate it that I was so close & I gave up. I hate it that I ALWAYS think I am starving!! I over-eat, sneak food, lie about what I've eaten, & again, I think about food all day long. I can't overcome this within my own head. I'm not sure what to do but I just know I'm not happy with the way things are going at this time.
I'm an all or nothing kind of girl as well. I found, and still find, it very hard to give up my eating disorder (and mind you it is not gone, not at all). I fight every day just to keep it down because, to me, eating is failure. I don't always think I am hungry, I wish I were hungry sometimes! I eat according to a schedule and when you're not a hungry person it's damn hard!
ReplyDeleteBut I keep fighting. I keep pushing the voices down because I know I don't want to be that woman any more!
It's hard to know what to do. But perhaps have a think about treatment out there? I know I'm not a treatment lover- been and left twice - but for some it works.