Wanted: a new best friend, apply within

Wanted:
A new best friend to talk to, hang out with, be silly with, share things with, etc.

Qualifications / Job Description:
1. Must be able to go places with me, such as the mall, movies, skating, etc.
2. Must have your own money, as I will not "loan" you any & I don't need a charity case.
3. Must be willing to do crafts, color, & scrapbook.
4. Must keep all my secrets.
5. Must have a positive attitude.
6. Must not be a drama queen.
7. Must not be chemical dependent.
8. Must care more about people than things.
9. Must be willing to share your clothes with me.
10. Must have my back 100% of the time.
11. Must be able to talk on the phone for hours at a time.
12. Must love cats.
13. Must have more pounds to lose than I do.
14. Must not be competitive.
15. Must watch Teen Mom 2 and be ready to discuss.

Only serious applicants need apply.